loneliness

PUPPET

Here comes the addiction again, its
whispering lips disguised as passion, the
touch of its hidden hand tap-running
way beyond the weave of my skin
and I
soaked to my core, allow it to wed me:
these buckling knees and paper mâché vows
impressing the addict impaled inside, and
while it listens
eyes necking everything in raised pulse,
it rolls them back with slack-jawed possession
and I move aside
host to a beaten heart that will not commit to stopping
– a puppeteer’d shell in this limbless silence –
running far without a single step
both of us
gambling with a satisfied purr that only I
once combative
now frail
know as loneliness

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 9 October, 2019

JUNE

you
are the vastness of space
and i
the lungs
that are empty without you

 

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 12 June, 2017

PURPLE HEART

My posthumous heart
declares no life without you
yet
the holding of my breath
to mark your absence beats it louder

and as I listen to every bloody word
it whispers in my ears
I wrap the sound around me
like your missing arms
and
count
each
pulse
until my vitals fade

wondering
if you will ever rush
like this intimate moment
to tend to my starving needs again

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 17 May, 2017

ENDLESS PATH

concrete emotion
part water – part sand
stiff and retrodden
imprinted by hand

unbroken dazing
obsessive addiction
weathered disfigurement
stolen ambition

frozen with purpose
externally veined
denied all surrender
exhausted terrain

captured in burden
expressionless pain
mindless estrangement
decisively plain

distantly suffering
obsessive beliefs
helpless remorse
escaping relief

painful receding
numbless appeasement
gone now, the bleeding
here, quiet, the easement

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 3 May, 2014

THOUGHT #460

If, at the peak of loneliness one is surrounded by emptiness, may it also be filled with infinite choices.

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 18 January, 2013

A TIMELESS WAIT IN MADNESS

Your sweet promise coats me like a varnish
wrapping my sticky desires
in an airless, human
skin-tight vault

Fatally sealed,
this timeless wait in madness,
this paused intent
of craftsmanship

Fatally sealed, this
timeless wait in madness, this
paused intent of craftsmanship

one un-stepped frozen foot ahead

contains me like a parasite and
I, far from drowning
hibernate within

Eons of time bereft of touch
pass me (imprisoned) by
but
wide awake, alone, insane
inside this vacuumed husk, I
quench my heart
– reflection –
while my hunger
(still unfed)
provides the popcorn
and the trailers
to the feature film
that scratches at my
fading, timeless
statuesque, and stunted soul

I wait (believing)
baited and entombed
for the next civilisation to unbury me
and
recreate a reason for my being here
that parallels an excuse
for their own

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 28 August, 2011

THOUGHT #173

When traveling alone, one finds the real journey occurs within.

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 25 February, 2012

SOMEWHERE

somewhere
there is a space
where I will find myself
amongst the dust that falls so calmly through the air.
I’ll find my purpose lingering there.

meanwhile
I’ll stay partitioned off from ghosts
and other 5th dimension beings –
sharing this part of the room
with my cold desire to belong.

 

© Tamara Natividad | pisceanesque.com | Written 28 July, 2004